This year has been a true 'coming home' for me.
This is a bit of a stream of consciousness, written on the edge of my bed, in the dark, while my two favourite boys sleep next to me... Let's see where it goes....
When I teach about the stages in The SHEro's Journey, my favourite part is The Return - The stage when we get to return 'home'.
We return home after our adventures, having overcome our trials and tribulations, often a little battered and bruised, but also knowing a bit more about ourselves and how we show up in the world.
Ever since I was a teenager I've longed to know more about myself. Always searching for 'who I am', feeling that there is a greater meaning to life, and always looking for my 'purpose'.
I've done every quiz I've come across, personality profiling, I've read a library worth of books and attended many, many courses. Always searching...
Then this year something changed, or rather something clicked, and I really couldn't tell you how it happened, it seemed to be a cumulative effect of everything that I'd been exploring over the last couple of decades.
Maybe it is only now that I am ready to accept it.
Looking back I can see that this process started when I became pregnant...
There's no doubt that being pregnant opened me up spiritually more than ever before.
It opened a part of me that I had tried to keep hidden and tucked away.
Although I would consider myself to be a fairly 'conscious' person, you could say that my constant thirst for learning and for more information was just a ploy for keeping me away from my deepest, darkest and most intimate truth, my vulnerable side that I had shut away earlier in my life.
However, being pregnant made me face my issues of vulnerability and intimacy with myself. A healer I was working with said to me 'you can't get more intimate than growing another person inside of you' - and wow, wasn't that the truth for me!
So, after being opened up by becoming a mother, I found myself drawn to the aspects of my work that were deeper, and more spiritual, and started to remove the rest. I wanted to bring the energy work that I had been doing since 2000 front and centre again, instead of hiding on the side-lines.
But more than that, I knew I would be stepping out in a very different role.
I'm not sure how I haven't considered this before.
Actually that's a lie, I had considered it but only for a nano-second before dismissing it under the insecurities of 'no way, that's not me!'
In 2010 I had my hands read (yes I have tried all sorts of things to help me find clarity on what I should do with my life!), and I was told that I was a 'Spiritual Teacher in The Spotlight'. HA! as I mentioned, I totally baulked at the idea. I could accept the EIGHT gift markers that included Healing and being psychic - I could relate to those. But absolutely NO WAY I was going to be a Spiritual Teacher in The Spotlight - I thought just the title itself sounded 'above my station'!
I had forgotten about this hand reading, conveniently pushed to the back of my mind, but I was reminded about it this year as it confirmed a few things for me...
Back to earlier this year...
As I mentioned I have no idea how this came about, but I had a ridiculous pull to research the goddess Cerridwen. She so resonated with me.
If you've ever worked with goddess(es), you know that sometimes they can show up like this.
As I was researching her more, I came across a Priestess training, I had never considered what a Priestess did, and certainly never thought of becoming one!
However as I read the information for the three year training I could feel a deep remembering in my bones.
I'd heard people talk about a 'remembering' before, and I would think two things:
1 - Oh that's nice... and not really understanding what they were talking about, and assuming it must be an ethereal type thing...
2 - Secretly wishing I could have such a cool sounding experience.
Of course, even though my whole body was shouting 'YES, YES, YES!', after the clarity of feeling had become normal and I was doing the everyday things such as the dishes and changing nappies, my mind kicked in with 'well who do you think you are to be a Priestess?' and 'What does that even mean?'.
However, as synchronicity would have it, one of the women who I have the most respect for in relation to all things Women Mysteries and Circle Facilitation (I had done her Red Tent Facilitator training last year and LOVED it), Molly Remer was offering a Practical Priestess course.
Loving and trusting Molly and her scholarly work and insights, I signed up immediately.
During the program, one of the questions she posed was 'Priestess as archetype or vocation?'.
That one question really struck me.
I often see the word Priestess being used, but it generally hadn't resonated with me.
But when I thought about the idea of a Priestess as being a vocation, and not simply an aspect of ourselves that we could tap into, something clicked - I had the full body recognition again!
WOW! Was this really what I was to do with my life?
To hold sacred space for women, to honour the transitions in their life, to help them come home to themselves?
YES! YES! YES! went my body once more.
As I thought about this, I realised that this was what I have been doing for the last decade, but this now felt like taking my work to a much deeper level.
And once again, my familiar friend of self-doubt arrived... And was soon banished...
The final piece of acknowledgement, after the various card readings and journalling that I had done, all agreeing with the YES! YES! YES's was when during a program with Kris Oster, she inspired me to re-look at my birth chart.
I've had my birth chart done several times before, but this time I decided I was going to do it myself and bought a brilliant book called Astrology for Yourself by D. Bloch and D George which walks you through the steps of translating your own chart.
In the book, there is a section on vocation and work potential. Of course I had to complete that section!
And would you believe it... One of my perfect jobs on their list was a Priest! Obviously I took that to be a Priestess.
Interestingly in my chart, although my Sun sign is Aquarius, and my Moon is in Cancer (of course it is! I adore the moon!), I also have a lot of Scorpio in my chart and as Kris pointed out:
"You are meant to innovate and bring to a massive audience any of those related topics of sex, death, power, particularly in the realm of esoteric religion and magic.
In the Hero's and Shero's journey it's the life-death confrontation, and the phoenix rising from the ashes. Pretty deep stuff.
You are truly an embodiment of Inanna - who can go down there and come back to the surface. She is the Shero's journey!!
I loved this! It sooo tied into my love of Cerridwen, and of The Return stage of The SHEro's Journey.
I love working with the aspects that people often try to ignore, as I mentioned I have been the Queen of doing that myself.
But I'm also not afraid to dig deep. In fact when I work with people I'm not interested in applying a band-aid, my work goes deep and addresses the root cause of issues. I'm not interested in quick-fixes, I want lasting change.
I know my Priestess work will be the same.
I can't wait to see how this adventure will unfold, no doubt I will doubt myself another 100 times (and more), but when I step out of that space, and think about what it means to me to be a Priestess, it just feels right in every cell of my body, or as Molly would say 'Bone deep'.